"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind."
-Dr Seuss
What is Authenticity?
According to Brene Brown, a leading expert in vulnerability and shame research, authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.
When we practice living authentically:
We feel more confident
We are more trusted
We are easier to talk to
We are more approachable
We are more down-to-earth
We feel happier
We are more passionate about what is important to us
We are more flexible
We are more accepting
We have better connections with others
We have less self-doubt
It is human nature to want to belong. As babies, we attach to those around us and instinctually do things, like smile, to create bonds between us and our caregivers.
As we grow, we also develop our sense of self. We strive to develop our individuality and personal identity. This is our authentic self. It is born out of our personal values which, when we are being authentic, align with our life goals, choices and actions.
But we live in a society that values people pleasing and fitting-in which often stifles our authentic self. We find ourselves being variations of ourselves with different people in our lives.
We play it safe to avoid being judged, hurt or even losing the acceptance of others. We choose to hide our true selves to protect ourselves.
Inauthentic living looks and feels:
Fake
Insincere
Self-righteous
Pretentious
Disingenuous
Sarcastic
Judgmental
Insecure
Approval seeking
How Can I Practice Authenticity?
Self-awareness is the key The first step to rediscovering and practicing authenticity is taking some time to reflect on yourself. Getting to the heart of what you believe and value is critical in being able to access your true self. The deeper and more detailed you reflect, the closer you will get to your authentic self. Once you know yourself better, it becomes clearer when you are not acting in a way that honours who you are at your core.
Check your friend list Are you surrounding yourself with people who you can be yourself with? Can you speak your own truth when you are with them? Do you feel relaxed and confident about yourself when in their company? If you answer “no” to any of these questions it is time to consider cutting ties with these people or at least creating healthier boundaries with them.
Be vulnerable This can be a difficult step, yet it is the only way to truly be authentic and connect with others. We must be willing to believe in our choices even if we fear others won’t like them, will think they are silly or might insult us. We must take the risk to love who we are even if we are unsure others will love who we are. If we can let go of the notion of needing to be perfect to be accepted and replace it with loving our imperfect selves, we are practicing authenticity.
Live mindfully We can always learn from every interaction if we choose to notice it. By being mindful of how we are behaving (or have behaved) in certain circumstances we can begin to teach ourselves the warning signs of inauthentic behaviour. Eventually, as we pay attention to ourselves more often we begin to make more conscious and genuine choices beforehand so that we can handle new situations more authentically.
We all have authentic selves. There are not authentic people and inauthentic people. Instead, those who practice to live authentically chose to wear a mask occasionally but they have fewer of them and they wear them less often. They ‘show up’ as their true selves, warts and all, with most people, most of the time.
They are choosing to be vulnerable enough to be themselves. Authenticity is work, it is not easy but with practice it adds great value to our lives because we are choosing to love the skin we're in!
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Karla Smith is our Toronto~West Branch Director and as a Certified Personal Life Skills Coach she supports women who are facing transitional phases in their lives, such as, separation and divorce. Together she and her clients create healthy self-care habits, set powerful goals, and practice new skills to meet life with a strong sense of self-worth and purpose propelling them forward to their positive and fulfilling transformation.
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