Raise your words, not your voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder.
- Rumi
Whether we are communicating with our partner, a friend, our family member or a coworker it is essential for us to practice being assertive in order to effectively stand in our power and be heard. Learning the 5 tips I have shared below will help each of us recognize where we are assertive and areas in our communication style we can work on to become more assertive.
Use “I” statements rather than “you” statements
'I' statements are one of the cornerstones of assertive language because they do two things. First, they help to remove blame and judgment and second, they allow you to express how you feel and what you need clearly.
Express thoughts, feelings and opinions reflecting ownership
When choosing to be assertive we absolutely allow ourselves to feel honestly but we need to have control of our emotions and express them respectfully and without hurting the other person's feelings.
Use factual descriptions instead of judgments or exaggerations
Avoiding judgments, exaggerations and labels will not only feel respectful to the other person, it will help them understand what it is you want or need.
Be aware that body language gives off clear messages
So much of how we communicate happens non-verbally. Tone of voice, posture, eye contact and facial expressions all help us “read” what a person is trying to tell us. Be mindful of that your body language matches your message.
Use clear, direct requests or directives
It is really important, when being assertive, to ask for what you want or need. Using clear, firm and confident language will help the other person understand what it is they must consider.
Often we are unaware of our own behaviour and communication style, especially when we face conflict and challenges. Understanding our own behaviour patterns is a great first step to becoming more assertive.
If you are interested in exploring your own style or want more information on how to practice assertiveness in your everyday life please send me an email at karla@kslifecoach.com and I will send you my powerful and easy to follow e-guide, 6 Steps For Putting Assertiveness Into Action.
Assertive communication is a fundamental tool we need to practice to support our self-worth and confidence. Like so many positive skills, the more we practice the better we feel about ourselves and others.
Start adding these indispensable tools to your life and begin feeling the power of assertiveness!
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Karla Smith is our Toronto~West Branch Director and as a Certified Personal Life Skills Coach, she supports women who are facing transitional phases in their lives, such as, separation and divorce. Together she and her clients create healthy self-care habits, set powerful goals, and practice new skills to meet life with a strong sense of self-worth and purpose propelling them forward to their positive and fulfilling transformation.
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