I just finished reading "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck' by Mark Manson for our November HHW book club and among its many messages and life lessons (written with humour AND lots of swearing, be warned if you read it at home where kids can find it! I listened to the audio book to avoid that!) there two key messages that I will share that are particularly important as we approach this season of holidays and celebrations.
December can be so much fun...and for many of us, so much work and stress to get everything done and done just right. The family traditions the way the kids remember, the co-ordinating and compromising with partners and family visits, the expectations (sometimes self imposed) of finding the perfect gift, getting the holiday cards done...and more. Some people LOVE all this and thrive on it. Others, not so much. So what's the difference? Message number one: deciding what you care about and then giving a f*ck only about these things. Think about WHAT and WHY do you care, and if or how this WHY aligns with your personal values.
If your WHY is obligation this likely doesn't align with your personal values (and all aspects of your health) and so the actions you take, (and the f*cks you give about these actions), won't serve you. They will make you annoyed, frustrated, cranky - not super fun for anyone!
If you WHY is appreciation, this IS in alignment and the actions you take, (and the f*cks you give about these actions), will be worth it to you, and more manageable along the way. That doesn't mean it's all easy but it makes it worthwhile.
Because even when we ARE doing things we love and doing them for reasons that align with our personal values, there will be bumps along the way - someone will cancel at the last minute, the online shopping will be two days late - but because you associate real meaning with why you are doing it, you can sustain the effort needed to overcome these problems. When we AREN'T in alignment these bumps bother us even more and we can resent them like crazy. The trick here is deciding what is WORTH giving a f*ck about and then because you do, letting the other things go so you can focus your energy on what really matters. It's a cooler and more attention grabbing way of saying 'don't sweat the small stuff', isn't it?!
Message number two: deciding how we measure our values...how we gauge our success and happiness. This is another great reminder at this time of year. What we chose to measure affects how we see things...even something as simple as measuring the air or water in a glass (is it half full or half empty?).
For example, let's say one of my values at the holidays is showing gratitude and appreciation for gifts, and I like that value so I'm going to keep it. Now, how do I measure it? Well, it could be an appropriate look on the face of the person receiving my gift, a heartfelt 'I LOVE IT'! or immediate 'THANK YOU', a hug, a written thank you card send as a follow up...or any number of other things that I have DECIDED COUNT as representing my value of showing appreciation. This can get me into all kinds of emotional trouble (and more) because there are layers of assumptions associated with my metrics. And so rather than limit myself to one way of measuring this value, why not allow for many? And release my expectations around what 'counts'.
Take some time to set yourself up for an even more happy, healthy holiday season by reflecting on WHAT and WHY you are doing things. Look at your to-do list for the holidays and ask yourself what really matter most based on WHAT you care about and WHY. Prioritize, delegate and let go of things not worth giving a f*ck about. Check-in and see what you are using to measure your values and expand your metrics to include other methods and ways of doing things.
Last but not least, try this: write yourself a thank you card dated January 1st 2018, sharing how much YOU appreciated YOU in 2017 and all it had to offer on your never-ending journey of self-awareness and love. End one year and begin the next with gratitude and expectation of amazing things yet to come.
Happy Holidays!
Lisa xo
647-215-9436
President of Hardess Planning Inc.
(Bob) Proctor Certified Consultant
HHW Branch Director - Toronto Central